Embracing Change: from Red Peppers to Juicy Strawberries
I recently read a tale from Nasrudin - a folk hero of medieval origin who illustrate the teachings of the Sufis - which inspired reflection on the importance of not clinging to what we’ve created when it no longer corresponds to us.
During a trip, Mulla Nasrudin arrives in a village. In the market, he comes across a display of unknown exotic fruits, which seem very appetizing to him.
“These fruits seem excellent to me. Give me a kilo!” he said to the seller
He leaves, very happy with his purchase. A little further on, he bites his teeth into one of these beautiful red fruits, but immediately finds his mouth on fire. He blushed, his eyes cried, yet he continued to eat. A passerby, who has been looking at him for a while, approached him:
“But what are you doing here?
“I thought these fruits were very good. Thinking that one wouldn't be enough for me, I bought a kilo.”
“I understand, but why do you persist in eating them? These are red peppers. They are terribly strong”
“It's not the peppers that I'm eating now”, responds Mulla, “it's my money.”
Money here can be seen as such or as a symbol for time, energy and pride invested in building something. Whether it is a work project or a relationship, it can be hard to let go of something which we believed to be right for us.
As we keep changing and evolving, our old endeavours end up not being aligned anymore with who we are and it takes a lot of humility to stop eating the red peppers and acknowledge that that despite the time, money, energy spent, we need to let go of them.
Parting ways from a life long work project or relationship can be terribly scary and often feels like a whole world is falling apart, leaving us alone with nothing to hold on. That’s why it’s essential to take enough time to do it when it truly feels right but at some point, there’s no more escape, we need to jump in the ocean without looking back.
I remember when I left my corporate job and decided to pursue the path of being independent, devoted to creating and sharing my passion, a lot of doubts and fears came up. They still do and I’ve learnt to live with them, to appreciate their presence as my safeguards and to transform my fears into fuel for creation.
The path I’m leading is infinitely rewarding and I know that there is no way back if I’m true to myself but it also involves letting go of safety, of relationships that were not aligned anymore, of a certain image of myself and judgements people may have.
The more I did, the more I realized that for sure, some people are judging me in many ways and I would have done the same a few years ago. Good for them. On the other hand, I realized that the more I dare to show up as my true self, be vulnerable and total, the more I build authentic and true friendships and connections with whom I do not need to wear a mask and who appreciate me even more for who I truly am.
When you are unconscious of the pepper taste and don’t know if it’s what you like or not, it’s totally fine, you can keep eating them. But when you know it’s not for you anymore and you keep lying to yourself and doing it, the Universe -or whatever you want to call it- just ends up slapping you in the face until you finally wake up!
This doesn’t mean that we should all leave our corporate work to follow our creative passion nor end a 20 years relationship and break a family but it’s essential to realign our priorities, meet our needs and be mindful of our time to not waste it in eating more peppers when we know they are not feeding us right.
Time is our most precious good and if we can always make more money, build new relationships, create new projects, we’ll never get back the time and energy wasted eating the red hot chilli peppers!
How can I turn my relationship from a pepper to a juicy strawberry again?
After many years with a partner, you might wonder how this initially delicious fruit turned to be an inedible red pepper?
Instead of throwing it away, you might want to take some steps back and imagine what you could do to savor it again with delight like you did at the beginning and maybe even find a new recipe to make it even more tasty! Maybe it requires slow cooking, a few herbs, a sweet sauce made with love and a whole new recipe!
Learn to express yourself without judgment or aggressiveness “the taste of those raw peppers make me feel frustrated, I suggest we find a way to cook them differently together?” (write me to learn non violent communication)
Communicate your needs: What ingredients are needed for this new recipe to work? How to cook it? Listen to the needs of your partner. Write down your own list of needs just like a recipe, share it with your partner and agree on new foundations for the relationship.
Rebuild an intimate connection with new savors: you know you can eat the whole pepper and that’s what you’ve been doing over and over. Aren’t you bored of it? What about rediscovering it in a new angle, tasting unknown parts of its flesh, beating it gently and letting it marinate for hours?
If you wish to dive deeper into those recipes, I’ll be delighted to guide you to recreate the taste of the juiciest strawberry!
If you tried new recipes but still can’t make peace with that taste, it’s time to let go of the peppers. Express it with love and kindness but be firm. Even if it can be hard to digest at the beginning, you owe the peppers to be left clean so even so they can find a mouth that will enjoy their special taste! Be clear, honest and transparent and don’t let them be rotten by your cowardly attitude. No pepper deserves to be left rotten no matter how spicy they are!
What if my work turns into a pepper? How can I turn it into a juicy dreamy strawberry?
You have trained and made so much effort and concessions to finally be able to buy those dreamy peppers and thought that you would not only savor them everyday but also plant them and grow them to feed both your family and maybe even the world with them!
But when you tasted your first pepper you realize that even though some people like it, it is not for you and it is costing you so much everyday to keep investing time and energy into those peppers.
But now you have no more money and you life depends on those peppers… what can you do?
When there’s a will, there’s a way.
Yes it might take some little time but there is nothing more rewarding than searching for the golden mysterious fruit hidden somewhere which you don’t buy at a stand but collect with your own hands after rough efforts.
Plant seeds. What is the taste of your dream fruit? You don’t need to know exactly what it is but I invite you to close your eyes and imagine how it makes you feel. When you bite fully in it, how does your body react? What is the after taste? A passion project is a feeling of aliveness, an excitement that turns into a fear and back, an irrational attraction that is beyond us. What is yours? It doesn’t have to replace your current work but just imagine that you have an affair with the most delightful raspberry one has ever tasted. No matter how busy you are, you’ll always find a way to meet the juicy delightful raspberry for a passionate kiss even if it's only for 10 minutes! The Artist Way, book from Julia Cameron can help you find your creative passion. If you have one, make it a priority to devote some time for it everyday. If you don’t, be kind to yourself, anything is better than nothing. See it as your secret affair until it blossoms in full light!
Say “No” - period. It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on what matters. Let go of the meaningless dinners, parties, brunches, never ending phone calls and Insta swiping. “For the moment, I still need to eat a few more peppers but I devote all the energy I can to the quest for my beloved fruit.” People who love you also wish you good and understand that you take care of yourself and are not always available. Would you blame your friend for not spending as much time with you as they are investing time in their dream project? When you’re with them, be fully present but explain that this mission is the most important for you right now and ask them to respect your choice.
Trust your intuition. Even if your intuition first guided you towards those peppers, your gluttony made you get way too many. Let your senses, body wisdom and intuition guide you. The more you listen to the wisdom of your body and intuition, the more it talks to you and give you on your path… One bite at a time, be patient and make the seeds planting your pleasure more than the collection!
Imagine that what you do is a gift to the universe. It doesn’t matter if people like it or not, judge you or not, you give your gift of the most delightful fruit one can imagine and whoever enjoys it may savor it and whoever doesn’t can just pass their way! To each their own taste!
Believe or not, the Universe loves purely authentic gifts and usually gives back generously in exchange!
If you feel stuck with those peppers and think that it's too late or complicated, it’s only too late when you have your two feet in the grave!
Bringing death closer to me has been one of my best remedies to throw away my chili peppers!
Feel free to reach out and share your stories! I’d be delighted to assist you in planting seeds for your dream fruit to come to life!
Pauline Marie-Antoinette
December 2023